FMP and onwards

So! During the course of the holidays, I was given some feedback by my peers. One concerned that my narrative doesn’t stray too far into the message of ‘people are too sensitive’ because it will likely cause backlash. They also added that the underling message appears to lean on the idea of ‘freedom of speech’. To that, I say “I n co r r e c t.”

As much as I appreciate the worry, the message remains ‘acceptance’. Nobody is damning those who call out Orion and judge him- they all have a point. The thing to consider however is that, he doesn’t judge them at all. He accepts that they have their views and doesn’t point a finger back. And to his friends/classmates, he merely feels isolated because this idea of ‘acceptance’ isn’t reciprocated in the slightest. Besides, they don’t have to judge him. If the people around him bothered to get to know him and realise that his habit doesn’t define him, then they could help him. Sometimes habits are too hard to break. Try to stop yourself from blinking. Or sneezing. It’s not natural. Orion’s habit is, in a sense, natural. His brain will process a happening as funny and so he automatically laughs at it. isn’t that how laughter works?

Anyway, moving on, another asked me about the weaving loop and expressed how Orion’s story reminds them of the movie ‘Joker’. And yes, his story does bare a lot of resemblance to that film. The difference is only that Orion doesn’t have a mental condition. He does however suffer depressive episodes from his living environment so laughter is basically something to really hold onto next to dressing up. It makes him feel good.

I won’t delve too far into the that but essentially that is the crux of it. About the weaving loop, I spoke about all to do with that concept in ‘behind the smile p2’.

Finally, feedback from the tutors. One thing that stuck out the most is the worry “Careful the character doesn’t look like a maniac.” I 100% agree with that, because considering I’m constantly developing Orion in my head and elsewhere, no one else can really see that he’s as innocent and pleasant as he looks if he can be caught laughing at: A paraplegic falling out of their wheelchair, child getting hit with a basketball, man saying that he was molested by a midget, etc. I need the balance, which was one of my main themes from the beginning of the Testing Testing unit.

Also, what can I do to show the audience that he can’t help it. I can’t have him explaining why he finds something funny all throughout my film. And even if he did explain it, it’s not something everyone would understand.

It’s something I’ll really look into because, thus far I have his humour and his struggles but not proof of his good nature that gets overlooked.

Next, the ending. The journey to the ending. I typically want there to be 3 story arc that can act as a sort of template for whatever story I choose to go with. 1)Orion laughing at a socially unacceptable moment, 2) The disdain from the public and 3)Orion escaping to eventually find acceptance (whether through the loop or new individual or even himself.)

Audience is for sure not going to be children. The jokes I may or may not use might end up being offensive and the meaning may well fly over their heads. As for what response I want, I’d say that I want them to see Orion introduced as a cute, bubbly character. Then I want to ruin their expectations and have them question if they really like Orion after all or think he might be a villain. And finally, I want them to empathise with him at the end. Understand him and feel glad that he finally found peace in acceptance.

Next was: what I want from this. I explained prior about the audience, but thinking outside the box a little, I want to bring the lack of acceptance in the world to light. For some reason, as long as you aren’t mentally ill, or struggling with identification, all your problems become invalid. People are made to feel like they’re complaining unless something is gravely wrong with them and that sentiment can end up sending said struggling individual into that same space. It isn’t JUST one thing. It isn’t black and white. People who are surrounded by people can still be alone, people who look like they have the hang of things can actually not have the hang of anything, people who are loud and talkative can still be introverted- you don’t know. Nobody knows. So mind your business and just accept that they are who they are. You are an outsider- you shouldn’t force labels to suit your own understanding.

That ended as a rant but I’m very passionate about it. If I can make the audience feel the way I wanted them to, then I’ll have gotten my message across.

Moving on, I was given crystal advice to ‘not overexplain’. I’m going to take that with a bag of salt because that’s what I need in order to leave some parts of my film open to interpretation. I will heed that through all other stages of my development.

In conclusion, I’m very pleased with all of the feedback. All of the good feedback too (^w^) I’m glad that people like my character and my idea and I’m all the more hyped to continue…

but not now because I’m exhausted. I need to focus on my thesis.

Ciao for now~

I L O V E how this one turned out. I’m used to using reference images anyway but this one helped a TON. (>w>)/*

Anyway, this was most likely my comfortable experiment as I was able to do everything my perfectionist mind plagued me with…well almost everything. Working on separate layers was probably the best thing I did because it made colouring underneath and on top so much easier. Especially as the water is meant to be a little murky, so the colours wouldn’t had to be distorted away from the original colour scheme. I went with purples, pink and blues because it was supposed to be ‘hellish’ sort of reflection. Those colour mixed together give a sort of fleshy feel to it without the bright and vibrant blood colours that usually go with horror scenarios. The horror was meant to be in his face so I tried not to make the background ‘loud’.

the skull took me a while to really blend…(-_-;;)

Anyway, meaning! So this was something I figured somebody would have told Orion when pointing a finger and calling him a ‘dark person’. For reason, I keep hearing a snobby girl in my head saying those words. Now, the words themselves are stingy. It has an accusatory tone to it and with that, the result is usually a subtle pang of pain. Words hurt. And sometimes, they can send those who aren’t spiritually sound with themselves into an identity crisis where they can no longer recognise themselves and hate themselves. What Orion sees is a result of all the judgement. His harmless face crumbling away to reveal a more demonic being underneath (probably the Grim Reaper’s nephew). It’s scary to him and creates a lot of internal turmoil. He doesn’t like what he sees and has no clue as to how he can fix it because he can’t help it.

As he reaches out to his reflection, all he wants to do is pick up the pieces and frantically return them to his face- this isn’t him. He’s not a monster but he can’t even trust himself so what can he do? Self deprecate and eventually believe that he is what people say.

I’m pretty proud of this result too! \(-^w^-)/

So I went ahead and tried my hand at a manga style page of how Orion is made to feel by his peers. I explained the bulk of it in my first ‘behind the smile’ concept art ‘bound by society’s norms’.

And just because, I continued said script elsewhere~: (I was writing casually so it’s going to look very informal)

Here is my second concept. With this one, I wanted to try out keeping the highlights and shadows as only one colour that contrasts his usual ensemble. It was a little daunting at first, because I usually use different hues for my highlights and shadows to fit in with the base colours or item of clothing. That said, I learned that it really was something to just charge into like a raging bull… or an otter floating down a river. By the end, I fell in love with the result. The enigma encasing him is supposed to be the design for my weaving loop that Orion will inevitably join with to grant his wish: Acceptance.

To note, the base colours were there but I just hid them. It was a happy accident and as a result, I felt this version looked a lot more surreal.

Now, I have been asked why the weaving loop would ever even hint to ‘acceptance’. It’s way too random.. but I see it differently. For me, the weaving loop’s existence just is what it is. Much like a tree, it exists and does what it wants because it exists. It has no need to be accepted or to accept. It doesn’t feel lonely or crave company. It just IS. And so, Orion joining with it will give him what he desires. When you join with something, you find a sense of belonging and so, in a way, you are accepted. It’s a very hard concept to explain but I see it quite clearly, I just need to use the right analogy to help others understand.

As to where it will appear in the story, I’m not sure. I want very much for it to appear at the end for the ‘acceptance’ but if the idea is too complicated or deep, I might just keep it as a test. In that same breath, the loop is supposed to signify a shift in story from normal to abstract and surreal. With that, I want the final part of my film to be something left to interpretation hence why I really want to use it.

To note: Orion joining with loop is likened to how a ghost ascends after having accomplished their unfinished business. He’d be abandoning his humanity and everything else just to have his wish granted — much like suicide victims.

First concept art attempt. I decided to go with a sketchy, softly shaded sort of style. In hind sight, more dramatic, highly contrasted shading would’ve worked a lot better with my sketchiness.

“Bound by social norms”. Now, it’s so much that he makes an explicit effort to follow these norms. It’s more like he’s forced to abide by them hence being the metaphor of being tied up/trapped in them. Because of the ample normality around him, anything he does that’s a little off is seen as a BIG difference. For example, his fluidity. He himself is a CIS male, but, sometimes he acts more feminine and other times, he’s very masculine. Same with his dressing habits. It can go from baby pink flared skirts to leather black jeans or acid washed bottoms. People around him can’t pinpoint him- label him- so instead, they point a finger and ask questions like “Why are you dressing like a little girl? Don’t you think that’s creepy? How old are you again?” and say things like “Oh thank God. NOW you look like a dude. Why don’t you just stay like this?”. Not only that, but because he doesn’t identify as gender fluid or transsexual, some think he’s pushing it and feel like he thinks he’s too good to be either of the two.

As a result, the clique basically banished him. He’s struggled with it from Primary school up until University, only being pushed to hang out with other guys because he is male. But even so, he still doesn’t fit in with them, so he glazes over it and never really addresses it. No one would understand anyway. And with the addition of his bad laughter habit, he’ll never truly fit in.